


Sex And Don't Forget The Violence

by SamanthaxSecret



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Bullying, Destiel - Freeform, Drug Use, Fluff, Goth - Freeform, Hard-core!Cas, Highschool AU, M/M, Punk, Self Harm, Smoking, Smut, Suicide, Vegan, Young Dean Winchester, hard-core, pop-punk, pop-punk!Dean, straight edge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:33:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1815385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaxSecret/pseuds/SamanthaxSecret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pop-punk, Goth<br/>Dean Winchester meets his rival Castiel Novak during a concert showing off the states top bands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pop-Punk

**Author's Note:**

> Not finished - adding chapters as I go  
> no warnings in this chapter  
> 

Dean walked out of the small entertainment building to go get some fresh air, the crowd was getting to much for him, and he was sick and tired of the girls trying to get with him all night after his band played. He walked out of the backdoor and into the alleyway, resting his back against the brick wall, closing his eyes and taking in the cool air into his lungs; until he was rudely interrupted by a waft of cigarette smoke circling around his face. “Dude, could you do that someplace else?" He said opening his eyes to look at the thin male standing on the other side of the ally. If he had noticed him there before he would of chose another spot.

Cas eye’d him up and down; snorting at his appearance. “Free country babe.” He smirked sinfully taking another drag of his cigarette. Dean pushed his brow together, looking into the other males piercing blue eyes. Dean sighed watching the young man pull on his cigarette once more; full lips wrapping around the orange filter. His eyes darted to his hands, long slender fingers with his nails painted black. Dean was starring at him with the dirtiest look on his face, he didn't mean to come off that way, he just found him intriguing. "Yeah, what ever." Dean said under his breath.

 “Hey." Castiel said as he lifted himself up from the wall and walked over to him; dangling the lit cigarette between two fingers." You're that guy from that ugh,” (giggles) “gay ass pop-punk band; whats the name? Fags In Drag?” Castiel huffed lifting the butt back up to his lips, smirking around the cylinder tube at Dean.

  
Dean glared at him “I am positive that's not the name; angel" Dean hissed at him "It's called Sticks And Stones." He said walking towards the other angrily, meeting him half way.

Castiel snorted, choking on the nicotine he just inhaled.  “I am almost positive that is the name,  you have such an awful voice, that goddamn whiny pop-punk tone. The genre sounds like a bunch of pre-teen douche-bags.”  Dean could of punched him right then and there, break his nose, give him a black eye, maybe even rip out the god-awful bull-ring in his nose. But instead he folded his arms over his chest “You're not any better, at least I will still have a voice-box at 30.”  He shouted

  
“Oh darling, I am flattered. You know my work.” Castiel smirked throwing the butt to the ground, right in-between Dean's Vans. "Ooops." Cas smirked sarcastically,  holding his hand up to his mouth; lips parted slightly.

Dean stepped on the burning cigarette and lifted his hand up to punch him in his stupid goddamn face, but instead Castiel grabbed it. "Are you going to hit me?" He asked raising his pierced eyebrow into a point. "Oh babe, you are cute when you're angry." He smirked sinfully looking into Dean's apple-green eyes. "You're feisty." He said trailing his tongue across his lower lip, eyes still locked on the Winchester's. Castiel let go of his arm; eyes still locked on his.

Dean let his arm drop to his side; he swallowed hard as his heart thumped against his chest.  Castiel's face was inches from his, hot breath brushing against his skin. Usually the smell of tobacco was a turn-off for him. Dean could feel the urge to kiss him begin to grow the longer Castiel stayed close to him. 

"What are you thinking?" Castiel asked devilishly, leaning further towards Dean's face, lips barely brushing against his, he knew exactly what Dean was thinking.

"This." Dean blurted out as he pulled his arms around Castiels waist pushing him into his hips, as he kissed him eagerly. Castiel groaned into the kiss and parted his lips allowing Dean to enter his mouth. His hands flew up the back of the blonde males head pushing his beanie off and onto the ground, pulling at the short hairs on the back of his scalp.

Their tongues met and Castiel shortly discovered that the other had his tongue pierced. He grinned his hips into the others, pulling at his hair as Dean slid his hands under his black henley biting his nails into the soft flesh on his hips; he felt Castiel shutter under his touch; goosebumps rising onto his skin. "Fuck" Cas moaned into his mouth. "We should go someplace." He said pulling away slightly from Dean's lips.  Dean smirked, "But we're not on the first name basis."  

  
"I'm Castiel, call me Cas, and you?" He panted still holding onto the other boy.

  
Dean leaned in and kissed the side of his neck, traling his tongue up to just below his ear. "Dean." He hushed against his skin.

  
"Okay, well now we know each other's names, so let's get out of here."

Dean pulled away and shook his head, "I want to but this is a bad idea."   
  
Castiel raised an eyebrow, "Why?" He sighed

"Well for one, I hate you, you hate me; and our bands are rivals." Dean said backing away from him. He bend over and picked his beanie back up; placing it on his head back enough so that a chunk of hair sweeped across his forehead. 

"They don't have to know."  Castiel moved around to stand behind Dean, he kissed the back of his neck softy while moving his hands to his hips. Dean tilted his head slightly, pressing his back against the other's chest. "Plus, you're kind of hot, despite the fact that you have a whiny voice." His voice was low and gravelly.     
  
"Okay." Dean said turning around to face him, "My place."

 

 


	2. Wet Dreams

 

Dean pulled up outside of his house, "Alright, my parents are home, so, keep it down."

Castiel looked at him as if he were undressing him with his eyes, "I can behave." He smirked causing shock-waves down the green eye'd boys spine. He looked away from him as he pulled off his grey beanie and put it on his impala's dashboard, he ran his finger's though his dirty-blonde hair messing up the top before sweeping his bangs over his forehead. He took a deep breath; skin dampening with sweat as he turned the handle to his car's door.  Cas grabbed his arm noticing the other's body language which appeared to be nervous.

"Are you okay?" he asked concern shining in his deep-blue eyes as he looked at the freckled boy looking back at him. "Don't tell me you're nervous or something." He chuckled.  Dean looked away from Castiel and down at his shaking hands "Oh shit," the brunette's  face dropped, "you are." he said more of a statement rather than a question.

He knew under different circumstances he would have never kissed him. He knew both of their bands would kick their ass' for even talking to each other, let alone if they hooked up.  They were rivals, and Dean had a  crush on him since he had seen   **Falling Angels** perform during Battle Of The Bands a year ago. But at the same time he despised the front-man, the way he talked, and how cocky he was on and off stage.  Dean was far to shy for someone like that.  

They were complete opposites, Castiel was fascinated by death, while Dean feared it.  He smoked, is a drinker, goes to parties and has sex, while Dean was a straight-edge kid who preferred staying home, writing lyrics and occasionally read a good book. He was nothing compared to Castiel and he wasn't about to let him find that out.

"Look, we don't have to." the blue eye'd heart-throb smiled,  placing his slender hand on the other's broad shoulder.

Dean sighed he couldn't let his crush know how big of a goddamn sissy he was.  He was practically a virgin who felt particularly pathetic sitting next to the lead vocalist of his bands enemy, he was so gorgeous. Dark stubble littering his face, bright blue eyes lined with dark rings on his lash-line, which he assumed is eyeliner.  He had these prominent lips, the top being much fuller than the bottom and his hair was short on the sides and long on the top and down the center of the back of his head.  He knew Cas was right, he was a whiny pop-punk loser, and if he  could see it, he was sure everyone else could, they just weren't as blunt as Castiel.

"Earth to Dean?" Castiel said waving his hand in front of his face.   
  
Dean blinked a few times before he slowly faded back into reality, "Oh, right. Where were we?" He said sinfully as he leaned in and kissing him softly, nipping at his bottom lip hungrily.

Castiel slowly pulled away, "No Dean, stop, you're not okay with this and if you're not, neither am I."

Dean looked into his blue eyes sheepishly cheeks growing red with embarrassment. "Okay, sorry." He mumbled feeling like a complete dweeb.

Dean began to twist his nose ring, which was just something he usually did when he felt uncomfortable, half the time he didn't even realize he was doing it. He accidentally twisted to far, knocking the ball off of his nostril piercing as if this fun filled pack of embarrassment wasn't enough already. "Son of a bitch." He muttered, "Goddamn captive bead came off."  

Castiel took out his iPhone and turned on the flashlight to help him find the small black ball. Dean searched all over the seat until he found it in between Castiels legs, "Sorry." He smiled coyly as he reached between them, the back of his hand brushing against Castiel's inner thigh making Cas inhale a deep breath as a tingling feeling came over his body, but he casually brushed it off as if it were nothing.

Dean moved his hand up to his face to re-adjust his nostril hoop while he tried to match the divots on the ball up with the metal hoop. Castiel rolled his eyes, "Let me help you." He said taking the ball from him and pushing his hand away. He wanted to close his eyes but he kept them open as he watched the thin male focusing in on the hoop; tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth as he worked. Dean heard the familiar click of the ball attaching back to the hoop. Castiel let out a large breath and smiled at him, looking impressed with his ability to do that. "Thanks." Dean smiled at him, "You're welcome." he smiled.

There was a long moment of awkward silence, actually more than a moment, ten minutes in fact. Dean kept fumbling with his thumbs trying to think of something to say while the other went through the apps on his phone. He wanted him to stay, spend the night but he doubts Castiel was the type of guy to sleep over someones house knowing there was no chance of him getting off.

Dean kept sneaking glances at him as he played an app on his phone, he scooted over to get a better look, "What's that?" he asked noticing he had turned the sound down low, "Smule: Piano. " He smiled not looking up from his iPhone. Dean cocked his head to the side, "Could I try?"

He paused the app and looked at the other raising an eyebrow, "Sure, give it a go." he said as he placed his phone in his hand, cold slender finger's brushing against Dean's large warm palm. "So how do you do this?"

Castiel explained the app to him in a rather cocky tone, as if he was the champion of Smule. He started the app, setting the song 'Danny Boy' to hard Castiel chuckled under his breath as if to say 'good luck', only to zip his mouth shut when Dean scored higher than he did without making one mistake. Dean handed his phone back to him, "That was too easy." he smirked.

Cas rolled his eyes. "Yeah, what ever." he said looking rather defeated as he placed his phone back in the pocket of his black skinny-jean's, "it's getting late, I should head home." It was one am and he hadn't even noticed, "I recognize where we are, my house is about an hour from here, and I think I will call a cab" He said pushing his dark hair from his face.

"You can stay ya know." Dean said looking at him, trying to read his facial expression. His face shown a look between consideration and shock.

' _Shit, shit shit,'_ his hands started to shake, _'why did I just give him the offer to stay over, I am such a goddamn idiot_.' Dean thought while he bit the metal rod of his tongue piercing between his front teeth, _'He won't say yes, I am such an idiot.'_  

He looked at Dean for a while biting his bottom lip as he smoothed his hand over his neck. Taking a deep breath while he released his bottom lip until he finally said "Alright."

Dean's eyes widened to the point where it looked like they would pop out of his head, "Okay, cool."  

Dean opened his door and slid out into the cold crisp air, goosebumps nipped his skin, "Burr." he chuckled, "Let's get inside." He smiled over at Castiel who stood on the other side of the parked 67 impala. He walked over to where Castiel was and motioned him to follow him to the garage. They turned the corner where there was a wooded stairway that looked older than earth itself.

"Is that safe?" he asked rubbing his arms. "

Yes, would you like me to hold your hand?" The blonde asked sarcastically.

Castiel crossed his arms; rolling his eyes at him, "I can manage without needing your hand Winchester."  

Dean swallowed hard as chills rushed through his bones caused by the sound of his husky voice calling him by his last name.  He nodded and walked up the steps slowly, Cas close behind him, wood creaked beneath his feet which startled him, his immediate reaction was to grab Dean's hips in fear, "Dude chill." he laughed.

Cas could feel heat spread across his face as he let go of him slowly, straightening himself out. He cleared his throat, "Sorry." 

When they reached the top Dean unlocked the door, "Since my parents are home I thought we could stay in here, it's where my band and I practice, it's become my second home, I don't even stay in my room anymore." He opened the door and backed to the side, "After you."  Castiel walked in slowly past Dean, jumping when he heard the door slam, "Sorry I should of warned you about that."

Castiel huffed, "I wasn't scared." 

"Right" he said dragging out his word with a subtle hint of sarcasm as he flicked the lights on.

Castiels eye's widened, what he saw was not what he expected, he assumed Dean would have posters of bands like The Wonder Years, and The Story So Far but instead it was covered with Led Zeppelin, Blue Oyster Cult and AC/DC. The walls were lined with shelves covered in records and batman figurines. There was a small kitchen and a living room, both were obnoxiously clean, on the far left and right corner there were two door, which he knew right away was either the bathroom or his bedroom. He turned to the other "I though your band practiced here."

 Dean shook his head, "Not in here, but the garage."

Castiel nodded. He looked more calm than he should since he was in someone else's place, on the other hand Dean was a jumbled mess of nerves, "You can stay in my room and I will take the couch." he offered.

"Oh no, I couldn't impose Dean." He said shaking his head, as he moved his hand to his mouth tracing his bottom lip slowly. Dean shivered watching the other play with his bottom lip like that, god he wanted to kiss that perfect mouth again.

"I insist."

Cas looked up at him through his long dark lashes, ice-blue eyes piercing through the other's soul. He seemed to be considering his offer, "Well," He said putting his hand back to his side, "Um, okay" He said in a low husky tone, "Which room is it"  He cocked his head to the side, pointing it to the back of the room.

"Left, and the bathroom is on the right."

Castiel nodded, "Thank you." He smirked devilishly as he walked out of the room and into Dean's bedroom.

Dean let out a sharp breath, which he had been holding in the entire time. He made his way to the couch and plopped down on it, head dizzy with sleepiness. 

Castiel shut the door behind him , moving his hand along the wall searching for the light switch. He turned the light on and he could feel his breath being sucked from his lungs, gasping in complete shock. His room was beautiful, it had a large window on the back that almost took up the wall completely, bed propped against it. His had a king sized bed, black and white stripped and more classic rock band posters on the walls.  His carpet was a jet black and fuzzy to the touch, his room was spotless. He had a book shelf that lined the top one wall covered in books about World War Two, and cheesy romance novels like The Notebook and Dear, John. He felt pathetic for even recognizing the books. He took off his black long sleeved henley and threw it to the floor, he sat on his bed as he struggled to get his skinny jean's off. He pulled them off and got off the bed to shut the lights off. He crawled under the cover's, his bed was very comfortable. 

Dean couldn't stop thinking about him, those perfect blue eyes, to the mess of brown sex-hair. He thought about the way he would pull on the length in the back of his head as he kissed him, or the way he'd feel inside of him. "Stop," he mumbled to himself, "he is your enemy."

 He knew he wasn't going to fall asleep tonight, he was already three and he would be waking up in an few hours for church anyways. He got off of the couch and made his way to the bathroom, he turned the water on waiting for it to heat up while he removed his clothing, along with the bracelets,  ring and necklace he always wore. He got into the shower and closed his eyes happily. He stayed that way for a while until he heard the door crack open,  not opening his own eyes until he felt the warmth from the other's arms wrap around his waist.

 "Good morning." he hushed kissing the sides of the freckled boys neck. He closed his eyes and leaned into the other, sighing with every kiss that touched his skin. He felt his partner's growing erection press against his bare ass, fuck he wanted to bend over right then and there to finally get what he had been craving.  Hands darted down to the sides of his groin, pulling him in closer to the other, he moved his hand down to his inner thighs pushing them apart, Dean spread them willingly.

He bent over but Castiel pulled him back up, "Not yet." he hushed into his ear. Dean could of cried right then in there as his cock throbbed with pain from holding off for so long. Castiel placed himself between his legs and thrust slowly teasing the tight muscle of his hole, brushing the tip of his cock against it.

"Fuck." Dean moaned, legs shaking with the need of his partner's cock deep inside him.

"Fuck me, please." He begged while bending over slightly, "Please."  He moaned. Castiel pushed inside him slowly , groaning into the warmth of his tight hole. "Oh fuck." he hissed as he slowly moved inside of the other. 

It hurt, a lot, but he didn't care he wanted this, he wanted him. After a while the pain dulled into pure pleasure, as he rocked his hips, bouncing off of his partner's cock. "Don't stop." he moaned sounding absolutely wrecked.

"Don't stop what?" Dean's eyes flew open when he heard the familiar tone, fuck he was dreaming.

"Oh ugh, nothing." he said wiping the drool from his face, "What time is it anyways?" He said turned back to look at him standing behind the couch.

"Five Thirty." He winked,

Dean groaned, "Great." He got up sleepily and walked over to his room to change into new clothes, surprised seeing that Castiel had made his bed. He got dressed in his best black dress shirt and dress pants. "Are you going to a funeral or something?" he other asked standing in the doorway,

"Do you mind?" he snapped bitterly.

"You left the door open, not my fault I was curious, you have a nice ass by the way." he chuckled walking away from the door. Dean could feel heat rush across his skin. He walked out following him, "Church."

Castiel frowned, "You don't look the type."  his brow was raised,

"My parents make me go, want to come with? I got some extra clothes." He asked.

Castiel snorted, "In your dreams."  he chucked. "I have t get home anyways." he said walking towards the door. "See you around Winchester."

Dean watched him leave, feeling like a puppy his owners left outside in a rain-storm. He knew Castiel was filling him with false hope, there was no way in hell he was ever gong to see that boy again. He lived in another town for gods sake. Dean could feel the empty-ness creep up inside of him, "Yeah, see you around." he whispered to himself. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a girl but this is Castiels hair, (visual)  
> http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/37/6b/45/376b45cbf4dc89baa3684cd06200f7af.jpg


	3. The New Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3 weeks since the encounter Dean had with the Falling Angels front-man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger: bullying, suicide  
> 

Dean walked through the old schools hallway, books stuck to his chest as he made his way past the students,   
"He's such a loser."  
  
"Look at the way he dresses."  
  
"Yeah and he thinks his band will become something, what an idiot."

Dean swallowed hard and walked quicker, the voices seemed to be impossible to get away form, he was beginning to think people either really hate him or he's going insane. "Can you all just shut the fuck up!" He screamed causing everyone to go dead silent and stare at him, "Thanks!" He rolled his eyes as he finished the trip to his math class, his _favorite_ subject.  People watched him walk away in shock but soon after burst into laughter, "What a goddamn loser!" one girl shouted.   
  
Dean walked into the classroom and his teacher looked up at him with a pointed look, "Mind telling the class what that was all about Winchester?"  
  
"No Sir." Dean said sheepishly, walking over to his desk and taking a seat. He took out his notebook and math book, placing the remainder of his books on the metal shelf under his seat.  
  
"Homework?" Mr. Novak asked, and the class began to snicker.Dean looked around aimlessly as he searched through his folder for the sheet of paper. "I know I have it, I-"   
  
The teacher watched him, hand placed on his hip, "That's enough, you're getting a zero."   
  
"No, Mr. Novak, I have it, I-." he pulled out the sheet, "I just misplaced it for a second." The teacher snatched it from his hand and walked over to his desk, mumbling something under his breath; something about the student being an idiot.  A kid poked Dean from behind and he turned around, "Winchester! Face forward!" The teacher yelled and the kid smiled devilishly at him, the whole class started laughing, and he could feel his heart start to slam against his chest.

"Sorry."

The teacher raised an eyebrow, "Alright everyone, that's enough!"  
  
"Why Mr. Novak, the kids a freak!" One student yelled, the teacher smiled at her trying to hold back his own laughter, he cleared his voice, "I said enough."  the class fell silent.  
  
"Now class, I have an announcement, there will be a new student joining us for the remainder of the year," Dean looked up from his notebook "and he is my son, his mother and I moved to this town a week ago."

"Wait so you already didn't live here?" One student asked.

"No, an hours away from here." He smiled.

"Well what's his name, is he cute?" Lisa Summer asked. Lisa Summers,every guy wanted a piece of her, including the History teacher, who was rumored to be her growing babies daddy.

"His name is Castiel."

 Dean shot up in his seat in shock, _'No.'_ he thought.

"And I want you all to treat him well, he is," Mr. Novak paused, "a freak." he chuckled lightly. 

Dean blinked a few times making sure he had just heard him right, _'Did he just call his own son a freak?'_

Castiel was anything but a freak, he was stunning, had the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. His voice was low and sexy, his hair was perfect, looking like he just got out of bed, hell he was screaming sexapeal, he was so goddamn hot and since that night Dean and him had a semi sleep over and hooked up outside of that alleyway he hadn't been able to quit thinking about him. He would often go back to that club so see if he was there, he even searched for him on Facebook but nothing would ever come up. The man practically vanished into thin air after that night, up until now.

"He will be starting tomorrow, so everyone behave." 

                                                               --  
  
It was finally lunch, he made his way over to his usual table where his best friend Charlie sat and his younger brother Sam. Charlie had been his best friend since freshmen year, and the drummer in his band. The things she could do with a drum set amazed him. Him and Sam chose her right away and they'd been stuck with her since. She was everything they needed, smart, funny, and a musical genius. 

"Hey Deano!" The bubbly red head called out as he walked over to the table.

Sam turned around and smiled at him, "It's about time you showed up."

"Yeah sorry, rough day." He sighed, Sam and Charlie shared looks before they looked back at Dean who was now sitting down next to Charlie.

"Did you hear?" he asked.

"Hear what?" the redhead with prominent cheek bones asked, eyebrow raised.

"Castiel moved here, he will be going to school here now." Sam sighed finishing Dean's sentence.

"Oh yuck." She said making a disgusting face.

 "Are you going to fight him?" She asked looking at Dean.

"No, why would I?" He said playing with his thumbs looking at her carefully.

"You know, for saying all that crap about you on his blog."

Dean gave her a puzzled look, _'Blog? What is she talking about?'_ He looked at his brother who was now frowning.

"Tell him." he finally said.

She rolled her eyes, "I think it's best if he were to find out for himself." She frowned back taking out her notepad and writing down his URL http://castielsfallingangels.tumblr.com/, "Seriously, check it out." He took the piece of paper from her and stuffed it in his pocket.

"Am I going to have to make an account?" He asked, rolling his eyes, slightly annoyed that the guy he envied is talking shit behind a computer.

"You don't have to, unless you want to follow him."

The lunch bell rang and everyone got up, "See you at home." Sam smiled at him before walking out.

Dean pulled his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the cafeteria, he's happy he only had one class left.

                                                                --

When he got home he immediately went into the garage, taking out his Asus laptop, he typed in the URL making sure he didn't miss a thing.

"Figures his blog looks emo." He chuckled to himself, he read the description,  being startled by the loud music that began to play on his page.

 _ **'It's me Castiel. Looks like you fucking found my blog, you goddamn stalker.** '_ Dean rolled his eyes, how typical _' **Anyways, if you don't know me already I am in this kick ass band, Falling Angels. Check it out, I am the lead vocalist and screamer. It's pretty awesome.'**_

He sighed, "Of course, self promoting douche-bag." he mumbled to himself

**_'If we go to school together, you probably shouldn't be on here because well, i have most likely talked shit about you. Don't get your panties in a bunch, Winchester. ;) I miss that sweet ass of yours. '_  **

He felt the familiar red heat spread across his face, _'Who gave him the right?"_  he thought to himself as he scrolled through his page.

  _ **'Dean Winchester sucks cock, literally, he's gay. I would know. :P"**_

"That's it!" he yelled slamming his laptop shut. Talking shit was one thing but openly outing him was another, it isn't a surprised everyone had been making fun of him today. They must of seen his goddamn blog, and he knew exactly how to get back at him, to make his own blog and spread crap about him. But of course Dean isn't that type of guy so instead he made an account and followed him, shortly after he got a message.

 

What the hell did I ever do to you? Dean publicly replied.

  
Dean looked at the message for a while, what the hell did he ever do to upset Castiel?  He hasn't even talked to him since that night and now he's posting about him all over a social media website and sending him hate mail. He has to go to school with this asshole now, senior year was starting to look more like a living hell than fun. He then got a notification, Castiel replied to his post..

Dean punched the side of his wall, everything Castiel had said ripped through him like knives. He looked at the clock which now read five thirty. "Screw cautiousness, I'm going to bed." he sighed shutting his laptop and crawling under the covers without changing out of his clothes.

His phone went off several times as he laid under his sheets trying to sleep but he just ignored it.  He squeezed his eyes shut trying to forget everything, from the name calling in school, to Castiel outing him and being a complete dick. Everything was becoming to much for the older Winchester to handle, he had no one besides Sam and Charlie and even then they didn't truly understand him.

Tears began to stream down his face and he clutched a pillow to his chest;burring his face into it. 'You're such a goddamn loser, when are you going to grow up!'

He dug his nails into the pillow 'Oh Dean crying like a little baby again.'

He began to sob louder as his body trembled through the voices in his head, 'Why don't you just kill yourself already!'

Dean sat up and threw the pillow against the wall as his voice cracked. "Shut up!" he screamed, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" he gripped the sides of his hair screaming and crying not even realizing his bedroom door had flew open and a body was now running towards him.

The warm familiar arms wrapped around him and pulled him into the chest of the other. "Stop telling me that! Stop telling me to kill myself!:" he screamed fighting against the stranger's arms, who only squeezed him tighter with each hit and shove he put on him.

"Leave me, let me do it, please let me do this!" He sobbed body starting to loosen up in the other's arms, "Let me do this, I want to die."

He griped the sides of the strangers sweater so tight he swore he was about to tear it, "I want to die." he repeated.

The stranger rocked the sobbing freckled boy back and fourth softly singing Burnin' For You By Blue Oyster Cult to him as he kissed the top of his messy blonde hair. _"And I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you."_ He kissed his temple, feeling rather awkward considering he has never been so intimate with another human being before.

 " _Time is the essence, time is the season, time ain't no reason got no time to slow"_ He sang against his skin "Dean, I'm so sorry."

Dean cried softly in his arms as he listened to the familiar voice of the youngest Novak sing to him through the panic attack, nerves and muscles convulsing under his skin. He smelt like cigarettes and booze, he really hoped he hadn't drove to his house. He also wondered why he came here? And why the hell was he comforting after everything he had just said online.

Castiel stayed with him, holding him and singing various types of songs until he finally road out the attack. "Dean, I didn't mean any of the shit I said." he hushed, "I am an asshole, I was only doing it to keep my representation." He sighed, "God, I am such a fuck up, why do I always have to be a dick to the nicest people?"

Dean let go of him and looked at him, not knowing wither this was a dream or reality. "I understand." he sniffled.

"No Dean, listen..." He took a deep breath, "I shouldn't have done that, and if Charlie hadn't sent me an ask telling me how hard you've had it, when comes to bullying and the..." he cleared his throat as he pushed Dean's hair out of his eyes, "suicide attempts, I wouldn't have done that, I didn't know."

Dean looked down at his hands, "She told you about that?" He asked looking back up at him slightly angry that she had told him something like that.

Castiel took the other's hands and flipped them over, exposing the soft scar tissue that rushed vertically down the center of his wrists up to just below his inner elbow. He ran his fingers down them sending a small tickle down his arms. "Tell me about it?" Castiel asked eyes filling up with liquid.

Why does he care? Why does he want to know how it all happened? It was none of his damn business. He doesn't care, no, not at all he's just curious. A sick individual that likes to hear about death and despair. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s Castiels blog is real, i created it for the fic, check out all his sass and shit taking at http://castielsfallingangels.tumblr.com/  
> so is Deans http://teamfreepunk.tumblr.com/  
> p.s I changed the name of Deans band, but have not had the time to log onto his blog and change it, i am sorry


	4. Damn Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic topic: suicide, blood, self-harm, bullying

"So, are you going to tell me about it?" He asked a second time. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "December 16, 2010, freshmen year".

He missed the bus home and had to walk, sky growing dark with every passing minute; cold bitter air nipping at the sensitive skin on his nose. He tucked his hands into his blue jacket's pockets as his shoes sunk into the feet of freshly fallen snow. "Jesus Christ when are they going to plow the damn sidewalks." he mumbled to himself. Snow began falling; sticking to the blonde hair and dark brown lashes. "It can't get any worse, can it?" he chuckled to himself as he passed the local bars and thrift shops.

"Ayyyo!" A group of boys called out from the alleyway, "Winchester!"

Dean turned back and looked down the alley.

"Come here for a sec'." A male with blonde hair called out.

Dean recognized them right away, Micheal, Balthazar and Raphael. He stood frozen in the opening, not sure wither he should run or do as he's told.

"Well get your ass over here!" Micheal screamed.

Dean swallowed hard as he griped the inside of his pockets, slowly walking over to them. "Atta boy!" the dark haired male smiled.

"Wha-what do you guys want?" Dean stuttered, teeth chattering violently, he wasn't sure if its because its cold or he's scared.

"We just want to talk to you," the blonde male smiled, "is that a crime darling?"

Dean shook his head.

"Good."

Raphael stepped forward from behind the two, "Winchester." He smirked "I heard some..." he chuckled "things about you." He said dark eyes locked on his, voice low and sinister.

"What kind of things?" Dean asked.

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe that you're a cock-sucker." He smiled at him, "Are you.." He scratched his jaw line smirking down at the small freshmen "a cock-sucker, yes or no?"

Dean shook his head, "No! Why-why would you think that?" His heart was racing inside his chest, stomach twisting and turning, fuck he's going to puke.

"Well, Micheal over here saw you with some guy, his dick deep in your throat at a party last weekend."

Balthazar made his lips into an 'O' pretending to be shocked, "Oh, Micheal, is that true?" He asked looking at him with a sly smile.

"It sure is Balth." He took his phone out of his pocket, "I even got pictures of it, would you like to see Dean?"

Dean knit his brow together in confusion, he put his hand out of his pocket to take the phone, low and behold he wasn't lying, and he had no memory of it ever happening.

"I don't remember." he said honestly handing back the phone.

"Oh, well you're never going to forget about it now." The blonde male chimed in.

"We're going to send it to everyone, unless..." the green eyed boy looked over a him, "Unless what?" He asked heart doing jumping jacks in his chest.

"You do everything we say, be our, little slave in school."

His heart jumped in his chest, "No, no fucking way."   
  
"Okay." Balthazar said dragging out the word as he hit send, sending it off to everyone in the schools email.

 

\--

A few months passed and people were still making fun of him.

He walked into the halls and everyone was staring at him, pointing and laughing. 

A group of kids from the football team would even beat him up daily, telling him that 'all faggots should burn and rot in hell' between each blow to his ribs, while one chanted 'kill yourself' into his ear. They made sure they didn't hit him where anyone could see it.

Throughout those months he would drink himself to the point of passing out, just so he could sleep at night. The pain from the beatings were almost impossible to sleep through sober

\--

April 3rd 2010

He threw his bag onto the kitchen floor, heading towards his fathers alcohol cabinet, grabbing a bottle of jaeger. 

His heart slammed against his chest when he took out the brand new box of razor blades he bought from the store two weeks ago. He had been planning this for a while.

Walking into his bathroom he downed a good portion of the alcohol, vision blurring as it all hit him at once. Heart still racing as his palms sweat.

He didn't want to die, he just wanted all the pain to stop.

He opened the pack with shaky hands, dropping the bottle on the ground causing glass and alcohol to slosh over the tiled floor. Normally he would of freaked out and cleaned the mess, but he was about to die, so.....who cares?

He put the blade to his wrist, hands trembling as he ripped it up his arm, all the way to his elbow, he repeated the same thing to his other hand. Blood rushed from the wounds instantly, squirting onto the floor. They were an inch wide and he watched them eyes widened in fear when he noticed what he had done. What the fuck was he thinking?

He slipped to the floor, cutting his feet on the glass, soaking his pants in the alcohol now mixed with blood as he screamed out in fear.  Moving his hands over the wounds trying to stop the bleeding. He was going to die, he knew it. How stupid could he have been? Suicide wasn't the answer, it never was. Not now, not then and it wont be in the future. His pain won't ever stop, it would continue to live in the lives of his friends and family, anyone who ever cared for him. He needed help.

He tried to get up but he couldn't his heart was slowing down and the world around him was fading into black, all he could do was manage to yell out a weak "help!"

Charlie; Dean's best friend, planned on coming over that day, she opened his door to the garage, only to be struck with fear when she heard him mumbling.

"Dean!?" She called out as he ran towards his bathroom, throwing the door open, "Holy shit!" She sobbed as she grabbed her friend two towels, wrapping them around his wrist, sitting with him in the mess of blood, booze and glass. She called an ambulance as she held him close, putting pressure onto the wounds. His face was growing paler by the minute.  
  
"Dean, why?" she sobbed

"I couldn't take it." He trembled, "I couldn't take the bullying."

She held him, crying with him as they waited for the paramedics to get there. Once they did they bandaged him up and rushed him to the hospital.

One-hundred and fifteen stitches later he found himself in a psychiatric center. Where they helped him find better ways to cope with the bullying.

Charlie and Sam would often go there and spend time with him, making sure he wasn't lonely. There they made a plan to start a band together. They sat down and wrote pop-punk songs about slaying vampires and dating monsters. They had a lot of fun doing it. 

 

\--

"Shit Dean, I didn't know." Castiel said calmly.

"It's fine, all in the past." He smiled wiping away lingering tears.  
  
"So, they stopped right?"  
  
"Who?" he asked  
  
"The bullies?"  
  
"No, but, its not as bad as it use to be."  
  
"I'll kill them." Cas hushed.  
  
"I don't need your help." he barked.  
  
"Don't think of it as help, just payback."

Dean sighed, "No Cas." he said rolling his eyes, "They will just make it worse for me."  
  
"I will protect you." He growled, "I won't let them hurt you anymore."   
  
Dean fell quiet, zoning out into the new forming darkness. He snapped out of it when Castiel had turned his bedside lamp on. He took his right arm and kissed up the scar.  
  
He pulled his arm away, ripping it from his grasp, "What the hell are you doing?" He asked angrily.  
  
"Kissing the past away." He said sheepishly.

"Yeah well don't." He barked.

"Jesus Winchester, sorry for giving a fuck about you."  He barked back as he opened Dean's bedroom window, crawling out onto the roof top.  
  
"Do you ever sit out here?" he asked.

Dean crawled out onto it with him, siting next to his friend, if that's even what you would call him. He watched him take out a brown rolled piece of paper and a lighter.

"What's that?" he asked.  
  
"Pot." He smirked sinfully.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Want a hit?" he said lighting it, filling his lungs with the harsh smoke, holding it for a few seconds before blowing it out of his perfect full lips. Dean scrunched his nose up to the smell as they over looked the forest in his backyard. 

"No, I am straight-edge." He barked,"Plus it smells like a fucking skunk, put it out!" he yelled, fixing his gaze on the other's hands.

Castiel chuckled taking another hit, rolling the joint between his thin fingers.

"Then why are you a drinker?" he asked holding his breath.  
  
"I'm not, I use to be."He argued watching the smoke slowly escape his parted lips.

"And that whole situation, is that why you became straight-edge?" He asked after taking another hit, blowing the smoke in Dean's face, grinning as he did so.

"You're an asshole!" he yelled waving the smoke from his face.

"And no, that's not why."

"An asshole who you want to fuck." he smirked, "Why did you quit?" he asked acting as if his first question never passed through his lips.  
  
"I don't know you well enough to tell."  he grimaced at the scent of pot.

"Fair enough, if we get to know each other, would you?" He asked taking another hit, starting to feel the effect of the buzz.  
  
"I don't want to know you." he lied fixing his beanie, fumbling around his words.   
  
"Liar." Cas smirked "Liar, liar pants on fire." he giggled taking the last hit before throwing it out to the side.

"I'm not lying, I don't date junkies." He hissed.  
  
"I never said we were going to date." he laughed blowing out the harsh smoke, "So that's how you think of me, you want to be my boyfriend." he laughed dragging out the words.

"No, no I don't!" he shouted.  
  
"Yes you do, I heard you moan my name." He laughed looking at him through hooded eyes.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!" He said getting closer.  
  
"Go away!" he said shifting away from him.  
  
"You don't want me to." He smiled, before he began giggling again.  
  
"Yeah I know I don't." He said honestly, blushing around the words.  
  
"I knew it, you want me!" he shouted, pushing Dean onto his back.  
  
He swallowed hard, looking up at Castiel as he hovered over his body. God he was beautiful, bright blue eyes laced with dark eyeliner and mascara, bringing out his long lashes. The red in his eyes surprisingly brought out the color too. He gazed down at his soft lips, remembering how they felt, an how they tasted when they kissed that night.  
  
"What are you thinking about Winchester?" He asked as he moved between his thighs.  
  
"Kissing you." He said bluntly.  
  
"Mmmm, I don't see why we can't." He smirked leaning in, close to his face. He brushed his lips across Deans teasingly. The blonde male moved up attempting to catch his lips but he pulled away slightly, moving back down when he missed him, smirking against his lips. He teased him this way for a while, making the green eyed male grow hard in his jeans, he had never been teased like this before, and it felt amazing. 

Finally, he kissed him. He felt butterfly's swarm into his stomach when he felt the heat of his lips on his own, a much different reaction than he had the first time. He parted his lips slightly allowing Castiel's entrance. Their tongue danced in their mouths and he didn't mind the lingering taste of pot that sat on his tongue.Knowing it was Castiel made it sort of hot. 

He grabbed at his hips when he began to trust into him, rubbing his erection against Dean's through his pants.  

His hands dragged from his hips and into his hair, pulling the long length in the back between  his finger's as he rolling his tongue piercing in the other's mouth. What ever Dean was dong in his mouth was enough to drive him crazy, as he bucked his hips more aggressively into Dean's, carting his hands up the inside of his green henley. 

He moved away from Dean's mouth, pulling his shirt up and off of his body, kissing his neck hungrily, leaving behind purple bruises as he moved down to his chest, teasing one of his nipples between two teeth. Dean gripped his hair tighter, 'fuck' he panted feeling his warm lips all over his chilled skin. He kissed all over his stomach, and hips, teasing his mouth over his growing bulge beneath his pants, "I hate you." he moaned.

"No you don't' he smirked as he kissed his way back up to his lips.  
  
"You're right, I don't hate you, I loath you."   
  
"Mmm, Winchester." he moaned, "I love it when you talk dirty." he hushed before he claimed his lips again.

Dean smiled against his lips, using his strength to flip him over,  he pulled off Castiel's shirt, returning the favor of the kisses he had given him, his lips felt like heaven against his sensitive skin. Castiel pulled off Dean's beanie and raked his hands through his dark blonde hair, pulling the top of it as he carted over his pale abandonment. 

He unzipped his pants and pulled them down, licking the tip of Castiel's throbbing cock, he bucked his hips up when he felt the metal ball rub across his slit. "Fuck Winchester."  he moaned as Dean took him in his mouth, working him over with his tongue and lips.

He had never felt anything like that before. The metal ball felt great against his pulsing erection, he swore he could come right then and there. He moved his hips shallowly as he fucked in his mouth, moaning, practically screaming as he pulled Dean's hair.  Dean hummed over his swollen dick, causing vibrations down his shaft, "Holy shit." he panted as be bucked his hips up, everything felt electric do to the high he was riding out in.

He pulled out and made his way up to the other's neck, "Mmm, so big." Dean moaned into his ear before he sucked a bruise onto his neck sending chills down his spine, turning into goosebumps. Cas groaned and bit his nails into his freckled back. 

"Fuck me." Cas moaned, "Jesus Christ Dean, fuck me!"  he moaned eagerly. Dean looked into his eyes, which were now growing dark, along with Castiel's pupils blown out with lust, but partially from being high.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked concerned, wither it was him talking or the high.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure." Castiel insisted, panting heavily as he tried to catch his breath, "I want you. All of you." Every touch was super sensitive as he road out, high and eager to be touched, eager for Dean to touch him.  
  
Dean looked at him for a few moments, processing what was happening. He nodded slowly and pulled out his wallet from his pants, taking out a small packet of lube and a condom. Castiel watched him through the darkness carefully, "You keep condoms with you?" He asked raising an eyebrow impressed.  
  
"Yeah, " he blushed, "You never know when you might fuck your enemy on your rooftop." he smirked as he pulled down the remainder of Castiel's  pants and squirted some of the lube onto his fingers warming it up before placing them over the other's tight muscle, rubbing it in circles. 

Castiel arched his back,squeezing his eyes shut while pressing his head against the roof tiles, practically screaming out with pleasure, as pre-come dripped onto his pale stomach, pleasure took over his body. 

Dean smirked down at him, God he was beautiful. 

He slipped a finger in, fucking him slowly, hitting his prostate perfectly. His cock swelled and twitched at the sudden pleasure that took over his body, scraping his black painted fingernails onto the roof. Eyes rolling back with every movement, lips parted into an 'o' shape.

He inserted another finger, and then a third, scissoring him all while rubbing his g-spot with every move. "Goddammit, fuck me already." he hissed as he rocked his hips pushing Dean's fingers in deeper.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you Cas." He asked concerned.   
  
"You're the virgin here, remember?" He hissed, followed by a moan.  
  
"I'm not a virgin." He barked back.

"Mhm." Cas moaned, "Come on, just, just fuck me already." He begged.  
  
Dean sighed and pulled his finger's out, pulling down his pants, Castiels eye's widened when he noticed he wasn't wearing boxers, which only turned him on even more.

"Shit." he panted taking in his length. 

 He watched him roll the condom over the swollen head and down his shaft, adding more lube to the condom and then Cas' tight ass. He lowered  himself between his legs slowly as he teased his hard on against his ring of muscle, making the other cry out in pleasure, "Fuck just do it!" he screamed.  
  
He slipped inside of him slowly, his lover practically jumping up in pleasure as he fucked into him slowly. He arched his back rolling his hips pushing Dean further in. His breath hitched taking in every inch of the elder Winchester's cock carefully, fucking himself on his length. 

His deep and shallow thrusts were enough to send him over the edge, rocking his hips along with Dean's, arching his back as he moved his hands up to his face, running them through his own hair as he moaned out in ecstasy, lips parted in a slight 'o', eyes squeezed shut.  
  
Dean looked down at him, loving every bit of his reaction, turning him on even more as he slowly climbed his way up, breaching climax.  

Castiel opened his eyes, looking up at him sinfully, blue eyes rimmed with black eyeliner, bringing out his gorgeous features, "Faster!" he moaned.

He sped up his pace, fucking him harder and faster than he had before. God he was so tight  and warm around his hard cock. He knew he wasn't going to last with him. He arched his back pulling Dean down closer to him, "Fuck me." he moaned, "Fuck me hard baby!"  He moaned again, "From behind."

 He got on his knees and rolled Castiel over, propping him up on his hands in knees, he fucked into him hard, and fast, moaning as he dug his nails into his perfect pale hips. Struggled moans and soft screams escaping the young Novak's mouth as he thrust into him, hitting the head of his cock against his prostate with every move.

"Dean I'm going to, I'm not going to last." he moaned.

"Then come for me." Dean panted, "I want you to come for me." He fucked into him hard, screams escaping from his partners lips were enough to throw him overboard.

He could feel his partner begin to shake, screams escaping his perfect lips as his hands wobbled sending him to lay on his face, white hot liquid shot against the tiles as he screamed out in pleasure, body twitching with satisfaction.

Dean moaned, coming with him, his screams and reaction was enough to push him over the edge along with Castiel.

He pulled out and the other fell limp onto his stomach, legs still shaking as Dean plopped down next to him, exhausted by the work out.

"Fuck Winchester." He laughed into the tile, "Holy shit." he panted trying to regain his breath.

 


	5. Are you going to do it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talks of self harm and suicide

"Dean?" a female voice called out, causing him to sit up fast.  
  
"Charlie?" He shouted covering his waist even though it was to dark out for her to see him.  
  
Castiel sat up "Get down." he whispered under his breath.

"I'm coming up!" she said in an annoyed tone. 

"Cas stay here, I doubt she even saw you." He smirked, "Be right back." he patted him on the shoulder as he glared up at him

Dean and Castiel got dressed quickly  just in time for Charlie to get inside. He walked out into the living room sheepishly, as she stood there, arms crossed over her stomach.  
  
"What the hell are you doing out there in the cold?" She asked giving him a pointed look.  
  
"Relaxing." He shrugged.  
  
"You nearly gave me a heart attack, I-I thought..."

Castiel crawled into Deans room, hiding behind his bedroom door to hear what they were saying.

"What that I was going to jump?" He barked.  
  
"Yeah, Dean, that is what I thought." She said calmly, "I have seen how they are treating you again, and well, after what Castiel said, I-I thought...."  
  
"That I was going to kill myself?" He interrupted her,  "I'm not gonna....look Charlie."  
  
"Dean, I found your note, the one you meant to throw away, the one to me."   
  
He sighed, "Shit."  
  
"Yeah...." She said looking down at her feet, "Were you really planning to do it again? Kill yourself?"  
  
"Yeah."

Castiel's heart fluttered and stopped. Tears rolled off of his cheeks.  
  
"Why?" She asked  
  
"You know why."  
  
"Then call protective services Dean. What he's doing to you isn't right!" she yelled, "Does your mom even know?"  
  
"Yeah like I am going to tell my mom my dad beats me on a daily basis."  He shouted rolling his eyes. "Sam doesn't even know."  
  
Castiel slid onto the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest, "Oh my God." he whispered.

"And you're cutting yourself again?" She said pointing to the blades on his coffee table, brow raised.

"Charlie..."

"No Dean, this is not fucking okay!" She stormed over to him, pulling him into a hug. "I love you, you're my brother." She hushed, "Let me see? Let me see them...."

Dean pulled away from her, "No, I-I can't"

"Dean, please, let me help, let me in." She sobbed.

"Fuck!" He screamed, flipping over his coffee table, sending glass to shatter all over the floor. Charlie backed up, covering her mouth in fear as he unzipped his pants, dropping them to the floor. "There, happy!"

"I didn't start up again!" he shouted pulling his pants back up. "I made a goddamn promise to you and Sammy, I am clean." he said in a calmer tone. "Now, just go, get out!"

"Dean please!"

"Get out!" he yelled.

"Ok, I'm sorry." She said weakly before turning and heading out the door.  
  
Dean fell to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably, Castiel ran out, shocked at the mess but soon was by his side. "Hey, it's okay." He said moving a strand of Dean's hair, "It's okay, I'm here." Dean curled into him, wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. "I'm no going to leave you." Castiel hushed, "I'm never going to leave you." 

\--

Castiel spent the night with Dean, he helped him clean up the glass and throw away the razors, he knew better than to bring up what he heard him and Charlie talk about.

He followed Dean into the kitchen once he was finished, "You hungry?" Dean asked him.   
  
"Starved." He smiled at him.  
  
"Cool." Dean smirked, " I have a lot of crap, anything in mind?"   
  
"Mac N' Cheese?" He asked looking up at him, considering Dean was taller.

"Sounds good." He smirked pulling a box out and prepping the water. 

\--

The two ate in silence on his couch while watching the movie Halloween, they were sitting close enough to where their shoulder's bumped together, which was unnecessary, the couch was huge.

"This movie is so cheesy." Castiel smirked. "Cheesier than this." He said holding up his bowl.  
  
Dean smirked, "It was made in the 1970's, give it a break, it's a great film, great franchise." He laughed, "If you saw this in theater when it came out you'd piss yourself."  
  
"I don't know man, after seeing Rob Zombies version...." He laughed, "Blow this movie out of the water."  
  
"Classics are better than remakes." He argued.  
  
"That may be true, but, in this case it isn't." He said taking another spoonful.

"Personally I think Rob Zombie's sucked, Micheal Myers does not run!" He laughed.  
  
Castiel furrowed his brow, "Touche'."

\--

The two became sleepy watching the movie, Castiel was the first to pass out on the couch, leaning his head on Dean's shoulder. He didn't have the heart to move him, so he stayed there with him as he slowly drifted off into slumber.

He woke up the next morning and Cas was making him breakfast.  
  
"Rise and shine Winchester!" He shouted while flipping pancakes. "Time for school!"

Dean groaned "Ew, school." He stretched sitting up before joining Castiel in the kitchen. 

He wrapped his arms around Castiel, pressing his chest against his back. "Smells wonderful." he smirked.  
  
"Yeah you do." He laughed flipping a pancake.   
  
"Hmm, I don't think so," he giggled, "Shower? With me?" 

"Mm, Winchester, I like where you're getting at." he said as he put the pancakes on two plates, "After we eat."  
  
"After we eat." Dean repeated.

They finished their meal and hopped in the shower, taking a long warm one before school, filled with laughter and kissing as his mascara ran down his cheeks.  

Dean thought he was so damn beautiful, like nothing he had ever seen before, and he was falling for him.

Falling head over heals for this goddamn rebel.

 


	6. Stop Avoiding Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months into their relationship and Dean is sick of being a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, : relapse, alcohol and self mutilation.   
> The song Dean is singing along to, Sum 41 - Pieces (Acoustic)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYvVVwEV4DA

Dean had hated school before, but not as much as he did now.  
  
Castiel acted as if he didn't even exist and it was starting to effect him. Granted they are enemies and if their band-mates were to ever find out they would be surely fucked but at this point he didn't care. He wanted to be able to hold Castiel's hand without any issue, to kiss him, to hug him like every other couple instead of pretending they loathed each other.

He turned the hallway holding his books to his chest, he noticed Cas right away, he was standing by a window with Meg and Ruby, the two creepy goth girls in school. Now he didn't find them creepy because he was stuck up or anything but they always wore these black contacts that covered their entire eye, and he found it unsettling. He stood by a few locker's watching carefully as Meg flirted with Castiel, goddammit he wanted to snap her fucking neck; jealously building up inside of him. He nearly booked it over there when he saw her kiss his cheek, and the small grin stretching across his cheeks burned holes into his chest. Castiel looked up and saw Dean standing there, he had an apologetic look on his face but Dean just rolled his eyes and walked away; heading to class. 

The school day went by rather quickly, it was his last lesson and he was itching to get out of class and head home.  He had been working on a new cover by Sum 41 and he wanted to sing it for Cas, despite his heart wrenching distance lately.  His phone buzzed in his pocket, he knew it was Cas texting him, which annoyed him slightly, it was probably the same damn excuse as to why he couldn't hang out tonight. He took it out of his pocket and sure enough he was right. This was the 4th time this had happened this week, and he was starting to think Meg has something to do with all of this. He sat at his desk, tapping his pencil against his note-pad; chewing on his inner lip as he waited for the bell to ring, he just wanted to get home and forget.

The bell rang and he jumped to his feet to head out but the quarterback of the football team; Micheal, knocked his books off his desk, the whole class started laughing as he bent over to pick them back up, the students walking around him, muttering names under their breath. Dean sighed and got up, leaving the room. What else could go wrong?

He walked out into the hallway and noticed two people pressed against he wall, hands all over each other as they kissed, he grimaced at the sight, he wished that could be like him and Castiel. "Get a room!" He barked bitterly, the male pulled away, about to insult him but stopped dead when he saw Dean.  
  
Dean's heart dropped, dull ache forming in the center of his chest and spreading throughout his body. He could fell the tears forming in his eyes when he realized who it was, it was Castiel and Meg. He clenched his jaw hiding the hurt in his eyes as he rushed down the hallway, "Dean wait!" Cas called but Dean was already gone, out of sight as he ran to his impala. 

\--

"Fuck Cas!" he shouted, "Fuck him!" he slurred pacing back and fourth in his bedroom as the acoustic version of Pieces by Sum 41 blasted through his speaker's.  He was crying and screaming curses as he downed a fourth of vodka. Castiel kept texting him over and over again.

I'm sorry let me explain- Cas

Dean please answer me- Cas

Are you okay? I am starting to get worried- Cas

If you're still alive just send me one letter, just let me know you are okay- Cas

Fine, I am coming over then, be stubborn.-Cas

Dean threw his phone against the wall. "Stop texting me!" he screamed drunkingly "I hate you Castiel Novak! I hate you!"  
  
He walked over to his dresser and pulled out his un-opened pack of razors. He knew how stupid this was, relapsing with alcohol and now about to cut because some stupid guy broke his heart, it was so cliche' and he knew it. But that wasn't the only reason, he was sick of the bullying and for the past few  months with Cas he had been so happy, and now what? Castiel was over with him, and onto the next one leaving Dean behind as a broken mess.

He pulled out a blade and pressed it to his wrist, blood leaked out from the wound and he bit his lip, he hadn't cut in years; he had forgotten how satisfying it had felt. Feeling all the anger and anxiety flood from his veins, pooling out along with his blood, he felt better, so much better. He sliced into his arm, sketching red lines from his wrist up until he hit his inner elbow. The wounds were rather deep, but he didn't care, besides he was starting to become numb now due to the alcohol burning his stomach. 

He slumped to the ground, singing along to the song as blood seeped out from under his broken flesh, " _This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting. I don’t know how it got so bad. Sometimes it’s so crazy, that nothing can save me, but it’s the only thing that I have."_

He took another sip of the alcohol, coughing as it burned his throat.   _"I tried to be perfect, it just wasn’t worth it. Nothing could ever be so wrong. It’s hard to believe me, It never gets easy. I guess I knew that all along."_ He sang, tears dripping from his eyes as he was loosing cautiousness.

He didn't know how long he was out for until he felt someones warm hands on his cheeks and muffled voice around the high pitch ringing in his ears and Sum 41 blasting over it. He opened his eyes, but his vision was blurred and wavy due to the loss of blood and alcohol swarming through the little blood he had left. He blinked trying to see more clearly, but all he could see was those perfect bright blue eyes starring back at him, fear and anxiety set deep into them.  
  
"Dean, come on buddy, snap out of it." He begged wrapping his arm up. He lifted Dean up and carried him into his bathroom, he was swaying and would collapse to his knees in almost every step he took. It was scaring the hell out of Castiel, and this was all _his_ fault.

He sat Dean in the bathtub, flipping the shower on as he got inside with him, not caring about getting his clothes wet, he leaned Dean against his chest, tapping his face, "Come on Dean, wake up." He pleaded as his voice choked around the words, "Please baby, wake up."  He placed Dean's bleeding arm out of the shower and sat him up, his head was lolling around and he was making the scariest noises, a cross between wheezing and gargling. Cas plunged his finger's into his throat causing Dean to bend forward, puking his guts out. He gagged into the tub shaking and trembling all over as he slowly came to it. Castiel pulled him tight into his arms, warm water falling over them as Dean cried. Shaking all over as he realized what was going on. Castiel was here, taking care of him, making sure he was alive.    
  
Castiel kissed the top of his wet dark blonde hair, "It's okay, I am here."   
  
"Why?" Dean slurred between tears, "Why do you even care?"  
  
"Because I fucking love you okay? And I fucked up." He sobbed, "Dean I fucked up." 

"Well I could tell you that." He mumbled head falling forward again. 

"Dean come on, stay awake for me." He requested.  
  
"I don't wanna." Dean sobbed, shivering all over.  
  
"You have to, just for a few hours okay?" He rubbed his back.  
  
"Okay."  
  
Cas shut the water off and began pulling Dean's wet clothes off carefully, he threw them at the bottom of the tub and wrapped him in a towel; helping him to his couch.  He was still in his wet clothes but he didn't care. He took Dean's arm inspecting the wounds, he needed stitches.

"Dean, you need stitches." He informed him and Dean shook his head.  
  
"No, just use butterflies and gauze." he mumbled not making any sense.  But Cas understood.   
  
"Where?"  
  
"Bathroom, sink window." He moaned lolling forward. Cas pushed him back against the couch, "I'll be back."  
  
He grabbed everything quickly, rushing over to Dean; he tended his wounds carefully and then went into his room and got two pairs of pajama bottoms and long sleeved henley's . He dressed Dean and then himself before he lifted him back up, taking him to his bed and shutting off the music.

He tucked him in, turning to leave, but Dean grabbed his wrist, "No, stay, please." He said looking up at him with his bright emerald green eyes. He couldn't say no, so he did as he asked, crawling into his warm bed with him. He pulled Dean close to him, being cautious of the wounds. 

Dean rested his head on his chest, damp hair soaking his shirt but he didn't care. Dean looked silly, hair ruffled up in a mess. He was sure he looked equally was ridiculous, eyeliner and mascara running down his pale face. They laid in silence, listening to each other breathe, Dean was the one to break the silence.  
  
"Do you really love me?" he asked as he started to sober up, remembering what Castiel had said.

"Yeah Dean, I do." He whispered into his hair, "And it scares the living hell out of me."   
  
Dean nodded, "Is that why you kissed her?" He asked, heart sinking as he memorized the picture.

"She kissed me, and I regret not stopping her, I don't know why I even did it." He said honestly.

"You broke my heart." Dean murmured falling asleep.

"If it makes you feel any better, I broke my own heart as-well." he choked out, tears falling onto Dean's already wet hair.

 


	7. Goodbye Social Life

Sam opened the door to the garage, is heart stopped when he saw that the front room was trashed and blood was all over the floors. "Dean!" He called out.

"Shhh, he's asleep." An unfamiliar voice said.

Sam turned and saw Castiel standing in the kitchen doorway drying a bowl.

"What the hell are you doing here Novak?" Sam bit out.

"Saving your brother's life, Winchester." He matched Sam's tone and put the bowl down. 

"He doesn't even like you!" Sam yelled.  
  
"Don't be so sure of that."   
  
The two looked up when they heard Dean mumble something incoherent. Sam looked at his brother's arms and saw the blood soaking through his long sleeved henley, then at the bottle of vodka on the ground. Dean looked at them lazily before flopping to the ground. 

They ran too him, Sam being the first to grab his brother.  "What the hell did you do to him!?" Sam yelled cupping his brothers face.

Cas shook his head, "He'd be dead if I didn't get here in time." Castiel bit out. Tears began to sting his eyes, this is all his fault.

"Just get out of here!" Sam yelled " Look what you made him do! You may have helped him but he tried to kill himself because of you! You are a worthless piece of shit, get the fuck out of here!"  Sam yelled as he dialed his dads phone, "You should of made yourself useful and called an ambulance, fuckin' idiot."

"Sam, stop." Dean mumbled, head lolling forwards.

Cas back up, tears breaching the surface, "I'm sorry, I'll go. I won't bother him again, I'm sorry."

"No, Cas." Dean whined as Sam dialed their father's cell. "Dad, it's Dean, he tried killing himself again." 

 

\--

 

Dean woke up groggily in the hospital room, his mother was sitting in a chair next to his bed, holding his hand.

"There's my sunshine." She smiled softly at him.

"Mom?" He said sitting up, his head was pounding and the room was spinning. 

"They put you on a lot of medication, don't sit up." She carressed his hand.

"Am I in the hospital?" He asked her.  
  
"Yes dear, do you remember what happened?" She asked.

"I remember."  
  
"They had to pump your stomach, you were going into shock from alcohol poisoning."   
  
Dean sighed and looked away from his mother "I relapsed."

"I know baby."   
  
"I wasn't trying to kill myself." He looked back at her.  
  
"I know."

The doctor came into the room and smiled at Dean, "Hi sweetie, glad to see you're awake." 

Dean smiled, "Glad to be awake."  
  
"That's good to hear."   
  
Dean has been seeing Doctor Tessa since his problems with alcohol abuse and self-harm first started. She was very understanding and got him through a lot of tough times. She was even the one who found the right substance abuse center for him to stay at. It cleaned him up real fast. He felt sick seeing her, he must be such a disappointment.

"Mary, I am going to have to ask you to leave the room, patient, doctor confidentiality." Tessa said as she washed her hands.

"Oh of course." Mary smiled. She kissed Dean on the forehead before she left the room.

Dean watched his doctor write down a few notes before turning to him.

"Can you tell me what triggered you to drink and cut as heavily as you did?" She asked him 

"I am under a lot of stress." he shrugged.

"With school?" she asked writing it down.

"Everything." He said looking out the window.

"Can you be specific Dean?"  
  
"Well first of all, I'm gay." 

Tessa didn't say anything, he looked at her to see if she shown any signs of shock but her face was neutral, so he continued.

"I am in love with my bands enemy.  He's the one who found me and stopped me from doing any more damage, he made me puke."

"Well, that is good that he stopped you, but you should never make someone throw up in situations like this." 

He looked over at her, "Really?"  
  
"Yes, alcohol rushes through your system faster, and if you took any pills and you try and throw them up, that can be very dangerous."

Dean nodded, "Well, now I know not to do that."  
  
"Does he make you happy?" She asked him.  
  
"For the most part, I am sure we would be happier if we were accepted. "  
  
"I see."  
  
"And I am being bullied in school again. My picture resurfaced. Spreading like wildfire." 

"Is that all that is bothering you?"

"Generally, yes."

"Are you suicidal?" She asked him.

"No, not anymore."  
  
"Not since last time you were here?"  
  
"Yes ma'am."

"Okay, good." She wrote down more onto the notepad before she looked up at him and removed her glasses, sighing. Dean knew she had bad news.

"I know you say you are not suicidal, but we have the impression that you may be. Now you may very well not be suicidal, but, considering what you did we feel as if you are a threat to yourself. We are going to keep you here in our psychiatric center to do a more thorough evaluation in your mental health." 

"For how long?" He asked.

"Three days."

  
Dean's face dropped, "No, no fucking way am I staying here for three days."

"Okay, so you are denying our help?" She asked him.  
  
"Yes, I am not staying here for three days, I am not a threat to myself Tessa."  He bit out.

"Well, we believe otherwise, and since you are denying this treatment we have no choice but to keep you here for three weeks minimum, six months max."  

"What!?" He bit out, "You can't do this."  
  
"I am afraid we can, and we have no other choice. Since you are under the age of eighteen your parents already signed you off. When you are feeling better we will be transferring you to our psychiatric center."

"You're kidding right?" 

"I am afraid not."

 

 


	8. I'm gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week into the psych hospital  
> How is Cas coping without Dean? Especially since nobody is telling him where he is. What happened to him?  
> How is Dean liking the hospital? Who's his new friend?  
> warnings- homophobic slurs

 

It's been a week since Castiel had seen Dean,  a week since he has been in school and not one person will tell him where he is. He tried asking Sam, but Sam would just tell him to fuck off.   
He tried going to Charlie, but she wouldn't even make eye contact with him.  He even went to teachers but they were not aloud to say anything 

"What's going on with you?" his band mate, Lucifer asked.  It was nice having at least someone he knew before he came to this school.   
  
Lucifer is a drummer, the best drummer Cas has ever had the privilege to know. Lucifer had been his best friend for years, he was the one who introduced Castiel to the 'goth' lifestyle, including his taste in music. Although he was his best friend and changed his life, he wasn't always such a good influence, because of him Cas had his first drink in seventh grade, and smoked pot regularly by eighth.  **  
**

"Nothing." Castiel grumbled picking away at the food on his plate.

He looked like shit, hair a mess, wearing t-shirts and sweatpants. He wasn't even wearing makeup. It wasn't going to be long until his friends noticed something was up.

"It doesn't look like nothin' Clarence."  Meg smiled sitting across from him. "You look like shit." She said in her usual deep-velvet tone.   

"It's Castiel." He glared up at her.  
  
"Ooo, touchy touchy. It doesn't have to do with that Deano kid does it? He looked pretty upset after catching us hooking up." She smiled twirling her fork in her spaghetti.

Lucifer looked at Cas, "Who? Winchester?"  

"Mhm." She hummed, "Dean Winchester, gayest boy to walk the halls of River Falls High. " 

Cas glared at her, and rolled his eyes. "You're pathetic Meg, you know that right?"

Meg winked at him, "Oh baby, I am all kinds of things."  

Ruby came by and sat down next to Meg. "What's with grumpy over here?" She asked taking a fry off of his plate, biting the tip seductive, for Lucifer of course. Had the hots for him since middle school.

"He's hung up on that Winchester kid."   
  
"The hot one, or the gay one?" Ruby asked chewing the fry.

"The gay one."  
  
"Boo." Ruby called out, "If you're going to crush on a Winchester, crush on the tall one. Dean is a stiff." 

Castiel clenched his jaw, "I am not hung up on that little fag, okay!" He bit out getting up from the table. 

"Looks like we hit a nerve." Ruby smirked. 

\----

  
"This food is worse than school lunch." Dean groaned picking at the burger in front of him.

"Tell me about it. I have been here for three weeks, and I would kill for a McDonald's burger. "

Dean looked at the small brunette with big eyes that sat across from him. 

"They want me to eat, but every time I do, I just throw it up. The food here makes me sick." She poked the food before extending her hand, "My name is Bela Tabolt." 

Dean took her hand, "Dean Winchester."

"Pleasure to meet you." She smirked.

"The pleasure is all mine." He smiled back releasing her hand. 

Her eyes scanned down to the pink keloid scars that sketched across his forearm.  She could tell that they were fresh, the pink inflamed stitches scars made that obvious.  
  
"We match." She smiled sadly.

"Pardon?" He tilted his head confused. 

She took a deep breath and rolled up her sleeve, "We match."

"Oh." Dean nodded.  

"Is that why you're here?" She asked him.

"Partially, they think I am a threat to myself, considering I almost died because of my own choices."  He shrugged.

Bela nodded, "I killed my parents."

Dean choked on his water, "Excuse me, what?" He said in shock.

"Well, at least I think I did. They tell me it was a car accident."

She paused and played with her food, "I made a deal with the devil, they kill my parents and I get ten years before they collect my soul" She laughed, "Looks like most of my life will be spent in here, the clock is ticking, I have a few years left to live."

Dean nodded, "You should fake that you are better so you can leave this place and live your remainder years." He smiled.

He knows she is insane and that you can't sell your soul, but, he might as well play along. Pretending her parents died that way was therapeutic for her, and he wasn't about to take it away from her. Even if it is insane and saying she wanted them dead. But, who is he to judge. He has wished death on his parents too.

"Hey, let's get out of here." She smiled standing up, reaching her hand out, he took it and stood up with her.  "We're are we going?" he asked her as she took him from the lunch room, hand and hand. 

"Fag and a chat." She smirked at him.

"Huh?" He asked.  'Did she just call me a fag?' he thought

"A cigarette silly." She smirked, leading him down the hallway. "We call them fags in the UK." She smiled.  

She let go of his hand and crouched down, looking back and fourth before she lifted up a slot and crawled in, "Well come on."  
  
Dean furrowed his brow and crawled in, "Shut the door." She smiled.

The two crawled until they reached an opening, leading to the outside. "Does any one else know about this?" He asked as he stood up. 

"No, just me." She tilted her head, "And now you." She reached into her shirt and pulled out a lighter and pack of cigarettes. 

"Why don't you try to escape?" He asked.

"I have, they find you every time, and you have to stay longer. It's not worth it." She said as he handed him a cigarette.

He wanted to tell her he doesn't smoke, that he is straightedge. But he watched her light the butt, inhaling the harsh chemicals, and it reminded him of home, it reminded him of Cas. Besides, he relapsed and drank alcohol a week ago, so, I guess he's already off the straight-edge bang wagon. 

When she handed him the lighter he took it.  

He had seen Cas smoke about a thousand times, it can't be too hard, can it? Dean lit the cigarette the way he had watched Cas do countless times, and took in a slow shallow drag. He coughed slightly and Bela raised her brow. "I've never smoked before." he told her honestly.

She nodded and took another drag, "You'll get use it."

The two stood outside smoking a cigarette and talking about their lives. Dean failed to mention that he is gay, and use to have a boyfriend, he didn't feel as if it would be useful information.

After a half our the two chewed a few pieces of gun, sprayed themselves down in perfume and went back inside.

The rest of the afternoon went well, Sam and his parents visited. He hates when they visit, it makes him realizes how far from home he really is, but he appreciates the gesture.   
Dean would ask about Castiel and Sam would tell him lies to help him get over Cas, and well, it's working. Cas is a bad influence on him as it is. I guess he's better off without him.  That thought alone hurt Dean.

He hugged them goodbye, went to therapy and then got ready for bed, dreaming of the lovely Castiel Novak.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> btw when I see Dean i see him dressed like Patty Walters  
> Here is some images of him so you get the idea  
> http://media.giphy.com/media/eph6eHWobFBFm/giphy.gif  
> http://25.media.tumblr.com/683e0868ba6715006bd57eb0100d5a17/tumblr_mrxl67PXER1sx67rmo1_500.gif  
> http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/NsDxkwvwVJE/maxresdefault.jpg  
> http://24.media.tumblr.com/b3f9dfcd24bfecf1c3a10e3f56ab44cf/tumblr_msiodnAVqa1qdj2oqo1_500.gif


End file.
